How To Help Others Spiritually Awaken
By Nanice Ellis
Contributing Writer for Wake Up World
It is true that the percentage of awake and awakening people is still relatively small, but don’t let appearances fool you. Everyone is somewhere on the path of awakening.
Being one of the first to awaken is an immense honor, but it also comes with proportionate challenges and great responsibility. I personally understand how difficult it is to awaken in a sea of asleep beings. It can, indeed, be lonely and scary.
When I first began to awaken, I became blatantly aware of all the people in my life who were immersed in the dream. My primal desire was to wake each and every one of them up. I preached, I prayed, I meddled, and I even went out and bought a dozen copies of “The Mystic Path to Cosmic Power” by Vernon Howard, because it was the book that had the most profound effect on me. I don’t think one person even opened the book. I was discouraged and confused – why didn’t anyone want to wake up?
I was called anything from crazy to a new age freak, but, inside, I knew the truth. Eventually, I became wise enough to protect the truth from people who weren’t ready, and to also find groups of people who were. It was the 1980’s in New York, and although there weren’t tons of awakening people, we seemed to find each other.
Here we are, three decades later, barely on the brink of global awakening. It is an exciting time to be alive. If you are awake or awakening, you are still one of the first, and you probably have many unanswered questions. Through my articles and my books, I do my best to answer many of these questions, as I believe my purpose is to provide accurate and empowering instructions on the journey through life, and especially through awakening.
I receive emails every day from people who have awakened, or who are just awakening. One of the most common questions that I receive is, “How do I speak with people who are still asleep?”
I discovered that the most effective approach in assisting pre-awakening people was patiently waiting for the right moment. It is true that you might have to wait months or years, but that right moment always comes. Oftentimes, it comes in the midst of crisis.
Crisis Ignites Awakening
You might notice that many asleep people are experiencing some sort of crisis right now. You might have even been awakened through a crisis situation yourself. The loss of a partner, job, health or security is literally the Universe’s wake up call. Of course, you don’t need a crisis to wake up – you can just wake up, but, if it is your “time” to awaken, and you are resisting the urge, and not listening to your inner self, sooner or later, some sort of crisis will emerge to make you pay attention, and hopefully awaken.
Most people go through life on auto-pilot, but when a crisis strikes, suddenly they cannot cope in the normal ways – the strategies that once worked to navigate life are no longer effective. During crisis, people are asked to give up what no longer supports them, and they are also asked to go inside and find new answers. The way, in which, we respond to crisis reveals our deepest beliefs, and shows us precisely where we are most asleep in our lives.
Crisis might also push us to examine our religious and spiritual beliefs, and this could mean that we reject a religion, philosophy or practice that no longer supports us or our path to awakening. As we release the old, we make room for the new.
Crisis is designed to break us open and soften us to greater possibilities.
Keep in mind, what might not seem like a crisis to you, may be a profound crisis to someone else. The loss of a pet, being evicted or discovering a dark family secret, for example, can be more than enough to invoke emotional chaos, and the opportunity to awaken.
If someone you know is going through a crisis of some sort, it may be that “right moment” when you can be of immense service, but, before you launch your help, there are certain things you should know.
The combination of seven intense years as a crisis counselor in New York, plus twenty years as an Awakening Life Coach, allows me to offer you the following guide:
How To Help Others Spiritually Awaken During A Life Crisis
Ask Permission:
Whatever you do, don’t spew your well-meaning help or advice on someone because they seem to need it – always ask first. How can I help you? Or, may I help you? Also, identify what type of help is being requested, and respect boundaries.
Feeling Sorry Ain’t the Way:
Be careful not to feel sorry for your friend or relation. When we feel sorry for someone, we are actually judging them and/or their situation, and we are seeing them as powerless. You can never be of service to another as long as you believe he/she is powerless. Feeling sorry for someone might also indicate that you believe that you are “better than,” and you are looking down on this person. You cannot help another from a position of superiority.
Try Compassion:
When we experience sympathy for another, it is just another way of feeling sorry for them. Empathy is a step up, but many empaths take on the energy of the one they are empathizing with, which isn’t helpful to anyone. Compassion, on the other hand, is unconditional love without judgment, and without taking on the energy of another.
Create Safe Space:
Sometimes, the most you can provide is a safe space for expression. When people feel warmly welcomed by you, and they are sure that you will not judge them, in any manner, they allow themselves to open up, and share. In your non-judgmental space, they have the opportunity to unburden themselves of shame, guilt and despair. The more a person can release stored emotions, the easier he/she can awaken. In order to hold safe space, do not undermine, downplay, contradict, give your opinion or try to convince anyone of anything. Maybe from your awake perspective, loss of a loved one might just seem like energy passing from one realm to another, but if you try to tell a grieving person that she/he shouldn’t be upset because their beloved is “just energy,” you won’t get too far.
Shoulder to Cry On?
Your friend or relation may just need a safe shoulder to cry on. Don’t underestimate the importance of being that shoulder. Crisis is cathartic, and it may bring up all sorts of old wounds that are ready to be released. Sometimes just having a safe space to cry and open up allows a person to approach new ideas and possibilities. Having said this, if your friend or relation continues to cry over the same things without healing, a professional may be necessary to help him/her break the emotional cycle.
No Advice is Good Advice:
As an awakening coach and mentor, I rarely give advice. The truth is, people don’t need advice, as much as, they need guidance in finding their own answers. In the asleep state, we regularly seek answers outside ourselves and we follow the rules, morals, ethics and advice of family, culture, religion, society and even current trends. You don’t awaken by taking more advice or instructions from others – even if it is well-intentioned good advice. You awaken as you let go of external input and you go within to find the answers for yourself. In most cases, offering advice to an awakening person is counter-productive, as it supports slumber. Instead of giving advice, the best you can offer is intuitive questions that direct that person inward, and you can support that person to trust himself and the answers he discovers.
Find the Right Questions:
Until we awaken, most people are accustomed to addictive patterns of thought, using the same old thoughts to address all issues. This, of course, reinforces negative patterns in our lives. If you can “offer a question” that elicits a new perspective or a higher standpoint of awareness, you have given the greatest gift possible.
Offering the right questions is, much like, providing a map for a lost and buried treasure. The best questions to ask are ones that inspire new ways of thinking. Open ended questions literally open the space for unknown or hidden possibility.
The best question asking approach is what I call the “back door approach.” The key is to ask a question, in such a way, that the mind seeks the answer without the usual restraints. Questions that begin with, “What if…?” are usually gems in disguise.
- What if you had a magic wand and could manifest anything that you desire, what would it be?
- What would happen if you let go, or forgave yourself?
- What would change if you gave yourself love and kindness?
- What if success was guaranteed, what would you do?
Some of the best questions are ones where you both address and disarm the objections that have kept your friend/relation from exploring new possibilities. Let’s say that she/he recently lost a job in a “left brained” field that wasn’t very exciting, and her/his objection to finding a new and interesting career path is the fear of not making enough money. Your question might be:
- If you could do anything that you desire, and money was no issue, what would that be?
Once you address, and disarm the objections, the mind is free to imagine possibilities without constraints or limitations. The point is to invite the person to explore ideas outside his/her self-made box (because you don’t wake up in the box). I’ve seen it, time and time again, when someone begins to dream of a new and exciting life, that dream has the potential of generating so much positive energy that the previous objections are dim in comparison.
Identify Limiting Beliefs:
The one thing that keeps us most asleep is our disempowering beliefs about unworthiness, powerlessness and victimhood. You don’t get through the proverbial gate of awakening carrying any one of these false beliefs. Often, chaotic challenges arise in our lives as direct proof of our beliefs. This does not mean that the belief is true, as all three of these beliefs are inherently false, but rather the manifestation of the belief(s) is an indicator that we have the belief. In other words, we believe the belief. If you don’t know that you have a belief about unworthiness, for example, that hidden belief will keep you from awakening, and you won’t have a clue. The purpose of life is to demonstrate your beliefs so that you can identify disempowering beliefs and ultimately release them; so that you can, in fact, awaken. In this way, crisis and all challenges are actually conspiring for your awakening.
Say, “No” to Negative Energy:
In my first days at the crisis center, I recall walking down the stairs, at the end of an intense shift. I was clearly aware that if I was to do this important work, I could not take on anyone’s energy, for any reason, at any time. In that moment, I made this commitment to myself and I kept it. In my article entitled Tired of Being a Negativity Sponge? 12 Ways to Prevent Energy Infiltration and Reclaim Your Energy, I share 12 ways to stay energetically clean and clear.
Don’t Judge the Sleepy Folks (even if they are judging you):
Every awake person has felt the judgment of those less awake folks. The knee-jerk reaction to being judged is returning judgment, but that just results in both of you acting and reacting from the asleep state. When people are asleep, they unconsciously judge “more awake people” because they just don’t understand; from the asleep state, it is easier to judge what we don’t understand than to accept it. Remember, judgment is the result of fear, and those who are being awakened through crisis often have a great deal of misunderstood fear. Once again, invoke compassion, and allow a person to be exactly where they are, and, keep in mind, it is not about you, so don’t take judgment personally.
Awakening Snob?
When you are awake, it is easy to identify other awake people, as well as, those who are still asleep, but being awake does not make you better than anyone else. When our tendency is to judge those who are still asleep, our snobbiness backfires on us, and we dose off. After all, you are only as awake as the thoughts you now think.
Encourage Letting Go:
For years, I studied self-proclaimed awakened beings, and the one thing that preceded every single case of spiritual awakening was letting go. In some cases, letting go was a voluntary act prescribed by spiritual practice, but, in many cases, a crisis, of one nature or another, fostered surrender, which is exactly the divine scheme inherently hidden within crisis. The stress and pressure caused by a crisis situation is intended to persuade us to let go, as letting go is often the only path to relief. In the process of letting go, we release everything that kept us asleep, and like a cork naturally rising to the surface, we begin to awaken.
Don’t Think Everyone is Like You:
Moving through a crisis (whether it results in awakening or not) is a completely different journey for each one of us, so be careful not to impose your experience on someone else.
Find a Bridge of Communication:
I have discovered that finding a short video that speaks to a person, in their language, is of the utmost assistance. My son, Travis, was on the verge of awakening, and, as much as he wanted my help, we were speaking completely different languages. No matter how I tried, I just couldn’t communicate with him in the way that made sense to him. Then, one day, someone sent me a video series on creating our reality. Honestly, I thought it was terrible, but it occurred to me that the fellow in the video just might be speaking Travis’ language, and I was right. Travis was attracted to it like a moth to a flame. So, now I could speak to him in a slightly more advanced manner. Then, I discovered the metaphysical teacher, Charles Haanel, and I thought, “Hmm… I bet Travis would love Charles” — and again I was correct. We listened together and we had deep and powerful conversations that supported his awakening. I decided to share Abraham Hicks with him but he totally didn’t get it, so we went back to Charles. I shared Neville Goddard and Florence Schovel Shinn, but it wasn’t until he listened to Alan Watts for the first time, that he really got it.
“Mom,” he said, “Now, I finally understand everything you have been teaching me all these years. Thanks for not giving up on me.”
Silence is Saintly:
If all this seems overwhelming, then let it go. It is not your obligation to be coach or counselor, even to those you love. You can make a profound difference without saying a word. Let’s not overlook the powerful act of Silence. All you need to do is remain in integrity with your true self – this means that from the awake state, you offer love and compassion, without trying to fix or heal anyone. The powerful and clear energy of an awake person can transmute emotional pain, while also transmitting a message of awakening to all those in proximity. If someone is not ready, they won’t receive your gift of energy, and that’s okay, but, if someone is ready and willing to heal and awaken, your open and loving presence may provide exactly the right medicine.
The most precious gift you can give to others is to see through their masks – seeing them fully awake, in their highest and most glorious expression of love and harmony.
You are love, you are light, and all is well.
In Love, Grace and Gratitude,
